Sadness in 2011

ever since i turned twenty, my emotions have been a downward spiral.. down.. downn... downnnnn...

My Asian heritage has taught me to be unreasonably proud and stubborn; most of the time, I refuse to record feelings of loneliness, sadness, or depression in concrete, searchable places. And if I do experience these emotions, I cop out of those explicitly I'm sad status by posting lyrics or a really cliche or really obscure metaphor--which, by the way, ends up being just as melodramatic. No solution there.

But, since this was really my forum to express myself over the summer, I am going to try and stop running away from my feelings and just say it here, in this oddly private-public space.

Sometimes I'm so lonely it physically hurts. Aches and pangs everywhere. I don't have a person that I can be totally honest too, and that really sucks, you know. I had cigarettes once. I don't anymore. So now, I only have crying, sad movies, depressing songs, and realllyyy puffy bags under my eyes.

I feel like everything is falling apart around me. My personal life. My plans. My chances. My devotion. everything. and with no one to talk to, no outlet to express myself, I just sit in my sadness until there's nothing but tears in my seat.

So what do I do.